Swedish Sloth

2012-01-26T07:50:00.001+01:00

View from my kitchen balcony "Having a kid has made me realize that almost every thought I've every had has been primordially selfish."

2012-01-23T09:38:00.001+01:00

It suddenly dawned on me today that I am going to spend 50% of my free time over the next couple of years cleaning up after the baby. Elisa seems to have a knack for wrecking rooms. She likes to empty out drawers, flip over flower pots, clear bookshelves, and smear food over a 3-foot radius when she eats. In this picture you can see the desire to make a mess in her eyes.

2012-01-17T14:32:00.001+01:00

Get me out of here! Elisa loves to play in the dishwasher and then she's like, "Pick me up, Daddy!" Right now it's her first major way to communicate.

2012-01-12T11:48:00.000+01:00

This is the view from my living room window one year ago today. That building is Söder Station. The time is 12:00 noon. There was a lot more snow last year. Stockholm is having the warmest winter on record this year. Right now it's 2 degrees and raining. I am becoming more like the Swedes. I do not go outside in weather like this if I can help it.

Sweden Memes

2012-01-06T08:49:00.005+01:00

More Swedish memes here but they are not as funny as this one

No waving yet but a clap

2012-01-05T10:25:00.005+01:00

I could get Elisa to clap today. But it took like an hour. I gave here a Cheerio as a reward. The Cheerios in Europe are much sweeter than the Cheerios in the States. Why do companies have to put sugar in everything? I guess because so many people have sugar addictions.

Papaledig

2012-01-04T10:44:00.005+01:00

I am home papaledig for 7 months with Elisa. She is 1 year old. It's the second day. I am trying to teach her to wave to me. Now when I wave and say "Winka til papa!" or "Wave to daddy!" at her she gives me the dog-watching-a-card-trick stare. I guess it takes a few more months of development.I will teach her to wave eventually.

Adobe ... The Master of Bloatware?

2010-09-11T10:29:00.011+02:00

I just installed Adobe Acrobat Reader on my Windows 7 box... which according to Adobe supposedly takes up to 335MB when fully installed. The download itself is 53.5 megabytes. Now I hate PDFs as much as the next person, but they are a fact of life. You just gotta deal with them sometimes. I used to use Foxit Reader (which uses a lot less disk space and likewise memory), but I got a really fast

Swedish Military Vs USA Military

2010-02-14T12:56:00.007+01:00

I found this Swedish military shit on YouTube. Funny funny funny. It lists an American military commercial and a Swedish military commercial.Here is a Swedish anti-tank weapon in action... holy moose meatballs!People in the military may be tough but they look silly to us civvies. Why does every move involve either putting your head or hands on the genitalia of another man? Just get a hotel room

Swedes Are Aliens

2009-03-22T20:55:00.002+01:00

I knew it!" In November 1989 a 'completely terrified' woman contacted RAF Wattisham in Suffolk to report her close encounter with a man claiming to be an alien.She said she met the fair-haired man with a Scandinavian-type accent as she walked her dog on a sports field. He told her crop circles were caused by others like him who had travelled to Earth and that the purpose of his visit was friendly

Swedish Idol ( yes they make that )

2009-01-07T12:19:00.005+01:00

Happy 2009... For those of you who are sick of watching The Israelis bomb the fuck out of Gaza, here are some of my favorite Swedish Idol moments:This is a real pimply-ass gangsta from the hood...I don't know what this is but it's hilarious...Kurt Cobain could learn a thing or two from this girl...

Swedish woman throws up on live TV

2008-09-13T08:44:00.001+02:00

You would never see this on QVC back in the States. For those who don't speak Swedish, she blames her on-air vomiting on PMS...

Primal Scream and Spiritualized Coming To Stockholm

2008-08-23T16:53:00.009+02:00

Just when I thought Stockholm was hopeless in terms of music, we are getting Primal Scream and Spiritualized playing within a month of each other... at the awesome venue Berns no less.Hope to see you there... it will give me an opportunity to jump around like an idiot and celebrate how much I love life. Until the next morning of course.

Swedish Chef is a Real Guy, Bork Bork

2008-07-04T11:35:00.007+02:00

Okay we all know it's funny although we don't always know why. The Swedish Chef is one of America's most beloved muppets, even though it remains a total mystery to the average Swede.I was recently surprised to find out that the Swedish Chef is based on a real guy.Here is the story:Lars "Kuprik" Bäckman is the real-world chef who, rumor has it, served as the inspiration for the popular Swedish

Yummy Kopparberg Cider

2008-06-11T15:18:00.001+02:00

We beat Greece yesterday 2-0. Time for some cider!

Party in Sweden's Pants

2008-05-20T16:11:00.002+02:00

Many people complain that Sweden is one of the most boring countries in the world.I am not going to argue. You can't score here to save your life, a mixed drink with 4cl of alcohol costs $15, and between September and June there is no one on the streets after 8:00 pm (except Friday nights where everyone binge drinks and then throws up in the sidewalk).At least some people have a sense of humor

MacBook Air ENVY...ENVY...ENVY!

2008-04-20T15:41:00.006+02:00

Yes Steve Jobs looks more and more like a monkey every year...but he makes awesome laptops. I've often wondered why PC designs lag so far behind Mac designs. There must be 100 PC laptop manufacturers and their offerings look terrible in comparison. And many include some deal-killing stupid feature that no one would ever want (fingerprint readers, glossy screens, Vista, etc).Dell? Sony? Acer?

I HATE THE SWEDISH ALPHABET

2008-02-25T20:28:00.007+01:00

I hate the Swedish alphabet.Who do they think they are to fuck with a perfectly good English alphabet?I hate the Swedish alphabet.It causes havoc whenever I try to make a website in Swedish. All the weird characters end up looking like insane chicken scratch or ?'sI hate the Swedish alphabet.I still like the girls still, though.I hate the Swedish alphabet.My last name begins with a 'Z'. I got

Swedish Woman Dies Fishing for Chickens

2008-02-19T16:00:00.004+01:00

If you think your life is pointless, then check out this Swedish woman's death..."A 63-year-old woman died on Saturday night after falling down a well while trying to fish out a dead chicken. The accident occurred near Ed in Dalsland in western Sweden. "Read the whole article at The Local.

Smokem' if you got 'em

2008-01-14T10:29:00.000+01:00

BERLIN (Reuters) - The owner of a small German computer company has fired three non-smoking workers because they were threatening to disturb the peace after they requested a smoke-free environment.The manager of the 10-person IT company in Buesum, named Thomas J., told the Hamburger Morgenpost newspaper he had fired the trio because their non-smoking was causing disruptions. Germany

David Byrne and Wikipedia on IKEA Names

2008-01-09T13:05:00.000+01:00

It's no secret to anyone who knows me that I fucking love the Talking Heads and I used to worship David Byrne as a god back in 1984 when I was 13.Over the years I have developed my musical taste to include all styles, but there is still something fascinating about Talking Heads and especially lead singer David Byrne. He is one person I would love to meet... even though I've heard he is not that

Daddy Coolest Anything of All Time

2008-01-03T00:04:00.000+01:00

Merry X-Mas From New York

2007-12-18T03:29:00.001+01:00

Linda and I are in New York for the holidays... actually we are heading to Bahamas as well which is pretty good because New York weather is pretty much like Stockholm in December.Wanna see us do the Christmas dance? Click here... Love you guys forever (even though nobody commented on my last amazingly funny and under-appreciated moose post), -Swedish Sloth

10 Tips For Dealing With Moose in Sweden

2007-12-02T08:44:00.000+01:00

1. When you go to the store in Sweden, watch out for moose. They might steal your food. Moose eat a lot of food. And they don't have jobs. Therefore you know they must be thieves.2. When you take money out of the Cashpoint, watch out that moose aren't looking over your shoulder and trying to read you pin code.3. When you send your girlfriend home at night, make sure she has some moose mace so she

Computer Addiction

2007-11-20T09:02:00.000+01:00

When you live in an isolated and tiny country like Sweden, you start to notice after a while that nothing actually happens until it happens here. No one really went up in space until the Swedish astronaut last year, there were no school shootings until the one in Finland (formerly Swedish-ruled) and the like. If the USA is the cutting edge of the knife, Sweden is more like the wooden handle.What

Happy Mondays Coming to Stockholm

2007-11-15T12:18:00.000+01:00

My favorite band of all time, Happy Mondays, are coming to Stockholm on November 25th at Berns. The group is led by legendary "Just Say No to Drugs" poster child Shaun Ryder. How does one describe him? Yeats? North England's Serge Gainsbourg? Trivial really. I like to call him the "living proof of the existence of God". Mr. Ryder is reported to be relatively clean and sober and in good form

We All Agree Except One Lifeguard: Swedes Should Swim Topless

2007-11-13T08:52:00.000+01:00

They're "just breasts"! This is the rallying cry of a network of women who have launched a campaign for the right to bathe topless at Sweden's swimming pools.A new wave of feminists have been angered by an incident in September in which two bare-breasted young women were called ashore by a lifeguard at a swimming pool in Uppsala. When they refused to cover up, they were asked to leave the

Bindeez... the toy of choice for young ravers

2007-11-08T10:35:00.000+01:00

Yes. Bindeez are here. They melt in your mouth and turn into GHB in the stomach. What could be a better Christmas present for a young tyke? How about a Pez dispenser that gives out MDMA?Not a lot of people know much about GHB. It's a great drug... nothing like the bad press it gets. Date rape drug? Don't know about that one. I thought Rohypnol was the date drug drug? When I was a kid Bartles and

The Most Exciting Thing in Sweden is the Toast?

2007-10-04T17:34:00.000+02:00

Swedes are often portrayed as being emotionless and quiet loners. This is getting less and less true perhaps, but stereotypes are hard to shake and ABBA alone does not a jubilant stereotype make.Maybe swedes are just a little repressed. All it really takes to see the person trapped inside is to put a swede in another country (especially a warmer one which is nearly every other one in the world)

What Did Jesus Look Like?

2007-09-16T12:24:00.000+02:00

I found this the other day and it cracks me up. How desperate are people for salvation to come up with the idea of a rasta Jesus with the body of a Greek God?I know there is a theory among late 80's hip-hop artists that Jesus was in fact "a man of color." But I seriously doubt that. It's common knowledge in Sweden that Jesus actually looked like this:

Get Me The Hell Out of Here

2007-08-29T16:14:00.000+02:00

Record low temperatures as August ends on chilly note The Local writes... "The lowest August temperatures for more than sixty years have been recorded in southern Sweden, as August comes to a chilly conclusion across the country.Tuesday night was unusually cold, with temperatures falling below zero in an area stretching from the far north of the country down as far south as Götaland, the

CaddyShack 3: Drunk Driving in Stockholm

2007-08-22T17:32:00.000+02:00

The Local reported that Hollywood star Bill Murray was taken to a police station in Stockholm on Sunday night after being stopped by police while driving a golf cart late at night.The 56-year-old comedian and actor arrived in Sweden just over a week ago to play a few rounds with his pro-golfer friend Jeff Sluman, according to the newspaper. He was out on the town until late in the morning at Cafe

Burnt Roof of Mouth

2007-08-13T15:06:00.000+02:00

My mate McCutcheon from NYC just came out with his second book (and first novel) called Burnt Roof of Mouth.Although it has little to do with Sweden (besides the protagonist making a Swedish girl on the beach in Ios) I highly recommend buying multiple copies for yourself and for your friends. It's available on Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk.If you want to read it online, you can read some of the

Bergman Loses Chess Match With Death

2007-07-31T00:00:00.001+02:00

People here are very sad. It's hard to summarize what Ingmar Bergman means to this nation of 9 million. He is the only man who could wrestle Abba and Bjorn Borg for world's most famous Swede award. And now he is now deader than a proverbial meatball.I actually quite liked the films I saw of his as well. The Seventh Seal was amazing. He always had good looking girls in there too. He was no

Freezing in Norway in July

2007-07-22T20:05:00.001+02:00

Just spent two weeks camping in Norway with lovely Linda.We drove our Audi A3 Turbo from Stockholm to Bergen and back again.There are some differences between Swedes and Norwegians that I hadn't realized before.Mainly, Norwegians are blonder, charge even more for stuff, and talk even funnier than Swedes.I have pictures but no time to post them because I am busy at work and off to Greece next week

Back to the USA for Some June 07 Fun

2007-07-07T16:39:00.000+02:00

This Sloth loves traveling!I've said before I won't have kids until I've seen the whole world... the problem is I keep going back to the same places most of the time. Luckily I don't really want kids.I am trying my best to take the Summer off this year and so to celebrate I just repeated a trip from last November and spent 2 weeks in the USA...First, I hooked up with old Pax Acidus mate

Jimi Hendrix In Stockholm '69

2007-06-25T14:21:00.000+02:00

It's hard to find anyone who doesn't like Jimi Hendrix. So in the spirit of Summer 2007 , here is a clip of Jimi playing Voodoo Chile live in Stockholm in 1969. Not his best work but hey it's summer and thus time to rock.

Fårö Means Sheep Island

2007-05-30T12:26:00.001+02:00

My parents are in Sweden! I traveled to meet them on the Baltic Sea island of Gotland (which means 'good land' in Swedish). There we visited some friends of the family who retired from the hustle and bustle (not) of Stockholm to become sheep farmers. The actual location was on the much smaller and more exotic island of Fårö (which means 'sheep island' in Swedish) located just off the north coast

My Bad.... XBOX 360 Rules

2007-05-18T09:54:00.000+02:00

Last November I wrote a rather off-the-cuff post about the XBOX-360 without really testing one first. I have owned one for about six months now and I must say I was completely wrong. The XBOX 360 is totally fantastic in nearly every way from the controllers to the graphics. The games are incredible as well.This is wonderful news for many reasons... but most of all because the number one reason I

Swedish Work Ethic?

2007-04-24T08:04:00.000+02:00

The Local is reporting that "Swedish employees feign illness to stay home from work for an average of 7.62 days per year. Only in India did more people admit to skipping work without good cause."Now this statistic reveals a lot of things. No one would ever confuse Sweden with India in many other areas, but in this respect they are the same. I don't know diddly squat about India but I can attest

Swedish Joke (From a Finn)

2007-04-16T12:34:00.000+02:00

Okay I promise some good pics from France soon. In the meantime here is a (very bad) Swedish joke submitted from a Finnish reader:A Swede was walking down the street with a duck under his arm.- "Where did you find that monkey?" asked the fellow pedestrian.- "Monkey? It happens to be a duck." claimed the Swede.- "Shut up, Swede! I am talking to the duck."

Bottle in Front of Me Vs. Frontal Lobotomy

2007-03-28T08:43:00.000+02:00

I've had an earache for three weeks to the day now. I even lost a set of tennis to a 75 year old man in part because of this. It doesn't so much hurt as much as my head is numbed and I can't think. Is this what a lobotomy is like? All I can to take my mind off it is munch Ibuprofin and drink. Will you Swedish Sloth readers with lobotomies out there please comment and let me know if you can still

Swedish Doctors Can Take a Long Walk Off a Short Fjord

2007-03-25T14:05:00.000+02:00

This is a big ass, and so is my Swedish doctor, whose name last name happens to be Wanky (which is not what I was in danger of doing after looking at this picture). I've been sick with an earache and after taking my 140 SEK he looks in my ear for 10 seconds and tells me there is nothing wrong with me. It gets worse so I go back and (after paying another 140 SEK) tell him half my head is numb and

Abba at Eurovision '74

2007-03-02T08:31:00.000+01:00

I was 3 when this video was made. I wish it was the 70's now. You could smoke inside and drink Chardonnay in the morning, and eat fondue and quaaludes for dinner, and white people could have afros, and Swedes could be international pop-stars, and everyone thought it was groovy.

Ouch Me Back

2007-02-20T10:14:00.000+01:00

I fricken love tennis. I started competing locally when I was 11. I started out 0-4 and then won my last 7 matches to finish 7-4. At the award ceremony I got an award for most improved player of the season. But then I spent the winter eating pretzels, drinking cokes, and playing ColecoVision. I got fat. The first match of the next season I hadn't swung a racket since the award ceremony.I thought

In it for the Money

2007-02-13T08:02:00.000+01:00

My blog is worth $0.00.How much is your blog worth?

I'm Skiing Drunk in France While You're Working

2007-01-23T08:23:00.000+01:00

Went skiing last week in Megève, France with Linda, Svenja, and Ben. We drank all day and all night and ate everything expensive and fattening we saw.Here is a photo of lunch at 2,000 meters. And one of lovely Linda as well in a sexy ski pose.Svenja and Ben are pretty sexy too considering they have like 5 kids and work as financial analysts in the City. How the fuck do they do it?But they are not

Merry New Year

2007-01-08T08:21:00.000+01:00

All hail the Axe Anti-Hangover Shower Gel, without which I wouldn't be alive today.No really. New Year's lasted long into the night. I met lot's of new people and partied all night. I want to say that New Years in Sweden kicks the shit out of New Year's in the States. People really get into fireworks and drinking here. You could die with all the amateur displays out there.In effect it's like

Happy Christmas - Not

2006-12-14T07:30:00.000+01:00

One of my pet peeves is people saying, "When are you going on holiday?" In my mind it is impossible to go 'on holiday'.Christmas is a 'holiday'. Easter is a a 'holiday'.When one stops working and goes somewhere because they are tired of working, that is called a 'break' or better still a 'vacation'.What is my point? My point is that one cannot go 'on holiday', any more than one can go 'on

Swedes In Space

2006-12-13T15:25:00.000+01:00

No, it's not the new Muppet movie, it's the news.As if we didn't have enough of them on Earth, there are now for the first time swedes in outer space.While this is not the least bit newsworthy outside Sweden, here it is like the biggest news of the year. The lucky guy is Christer Fuglesang, who has been telling everyone he was going into space for the past 16 years. So much so that it became kind

The New Cure For Winter Swedish Jetlag

2006-12-01T18:11:00.000+01:00

Well I just spent two weeks in NYC and FLA visiting friends and relatives. Pictures soon. Great to see everyone again especially Mc, Kyle, Lee and my little nieces. They are the cutest things ever.Now that I am back in Sweden I am JETLAGGED as a mf. I swear jetlag is like the bad part of being on drugs (not that I would know what that's like). As a frequent trans-Atlantic traveler, I am often a

Lou Reed on Sweden

2006-11-19T16:55:00.000+01:00

I'm scared in my own apartment. I'm scared 24 hours a day. But not necessarily in New York. I actually feel pretty comfortable in New York. I get scared like in Sweden. You know, it's ... kind of empty, they're all drunk. Everything works. You know, if you stop at a stop light and don't turn your engine off, people come over and talk to you about it. You go to the medicine cabinet and open

Another Swedish Joke

2006-10-20T12:49:00.000+02:00

A guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance. While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, "In America, we call this a hug". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too."A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, "In America, we call this a kiss". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too."Towards the end of the night, and a lot

No Google, No Problem

2006-10-02T15:48:00.000+02:00

Well some of you may know this already, but over the past month I've had seven interviews with Google (inlcuding three in London) about a position in the Stockholm area.I found out today I did not get the job. I failed two of the seven interviews. They asked me low-level (read as hard and obscure) computer science and networking questions which I probably never would have encountered on the job

Ask Swedish Sloth: Skeeved by the Swedes

2006-09-20T10:32:00.000+02:00

E.D. wrote:Dear Swedish Sloth,I saw your site because I googled "american living in Sweden"—it's very funny, thank you for explaining filmjolk which I put in my coffee a few weeks back and was completely skeeved by. The fact that no one in the household could really explain to me what it was skeeved me even more.I'm thinking of moving to Sweden with my boyfriend, who lives in the US now but

London Calling... Again

2006-09-17T07:12:00.000+02:00

Well I am off to London this week for a job interview. The job is in Stockholm but the inteview is in Belgravia. If I get this job I will totally be happy as it is for one of the biggest and coolest Internet companies in the world.The job will mean travel across Europe and that will be awesome.

Totally Fukt

2006-08-24T22:41:00.000+02:00

Lovely Francis at 1000 Swedish Lessons probably already covered this one but... the Swedish word for damp is 'fukt'. It's been cold and rainy this August. I want to go back to Italy.Swedish weather is so fukt... almost as fukt as London's weather.Sometimes the truth is funnier than fiction. All it takes to get 'fukt' in Sweden is to stand outside sometimes.I know it's not that funny but I am

The Swedish Penis Enlarger

2006-08-24T22:34:00.000+02:00

Guard: One Swedish-made penis enlarger.Austin Powers: [to Vanessa] That's not mine.Guard: One credit card receipt for Swedish-made penis enlarger signed by Austin Powers.Austin Powers: I'm telling ya baby that's not mine.Guard: One warranty card for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, filled out by Austin Powers.Austin Powers: I don't even know what this is! This sort of thing ain't my bag,

Floyd Landis -- A Cheater From My Home State?

2006-08-06T23:00:00.000+02:00

I grew up in PA... a state that for its relatively large size has few redeeming qualities. True, it's no Missouri or Kansas, but it's not Tuscany either. People in PA seem a little stranger than most people. Not Wisconsin strange, mind you, but church-going, mousy hair, and 90's Billy Joel strange.Then along came Floyd Landis. Yeah his look said Pennsylvania, but his heart said Xanadu. When the

Ask Swedish Sloth - How To Make Fil Milk?

2006-08-05T09:27:00.000+02:00

<><><><><><><><><><><>Dear Swedish Sloth,Can you please tell me what the measurements are for making your own filmjolk. I have a 1 litre carton and would love to make it last.ThanksMagnus<><><><><><><><><><><>Dear Magnus,Thanks for asking Swedish Sloth!Normally to make more fil milk, you would just put a little of the old fil milk in a bowl, add fresh milk to it, put a towel over it to keep out

This Week on a Very Special Swedish Sloth

2006-07-14T22:42:00.000+02:00

We here at Swedish Sloth HQ are really inspired by all your thoughtful comments over the past couple of years. In fact, so much so, that we have decided to give back to the thriving community that has arisen around this blog. Without people like Dipshit the Finno-Ugaric language specialist from Nowhere, Iowa, where would we be today? Not number #1 draw on the international imaginary jetset chat

Meet Jerker. No Really. It's Jerker.

2006-07-08T09:02:00.000+02:00

Jerker is a common first name in Sweden. Here is a picture of a Swede named Jerker I got off the Internet. Looks a bit like a Jerker, doesn't he?I found out about the name during a meeting with someone else named Jerker last week. Needless to say, people named Jerker will probably never get a job in the USA outside the porn industry. And then there is the question: do people call him Jerk for

Swedish versus British Nightclubs

2006-07-02T09:49:00.000+02:00

Thanks to my wonderful sister in San Diego who sent me this 'educational' Powerpoint presentation. This one shows the difference between a night out clubbing in Sweden and a night out clubbing in England. And the winner is... ugh, I'm gonna go with Sweden.Download the File

Fatties of the World, You Bite!

2006-06-25T12:18:00.000+02:00

Since I moved to Sweden I lost about 15 kilos. It was nothing I tried to do... it just happened naturally over the course of 8 months. The developed world is getting fatter and America is still superpower of obesity. You simply cannot get a small size of anything there. I admit it feels good to have shed some weight, but the problem is that I am still 15 kilos overweight. And it's not coming off

Sweden Wins, Is Not Impotent After All

2006-06-17T09:43:00.000+02:00

Sweden was playing well but not scoring. That ended Thursday night around 11:00pm and people here have been smiling and singing every since.

Wars Don't Kill People, Video Games Do

2006-06-04T08:34:00.000+02:00

In the next major election year, one of the hot topics is going to be violence in video games. My guess is Ms. Clinton is going to make it a key issue in her campaign. The republicans will play along, so as not to lose out on the stupidity gap. I attest there is no bigger smoke and mirrors issue today than violence in video games. In fact it is so smoke and mirrors it is like banning smoking

It Burns, It Burns

2006-06-03T08:28:00.000+02:00

"It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair." -- George BurnsWhen the USA elected George Bush Jr. as President of the USA instead of Al Gore I was a little surprised. The most surprising thing were the reasons. People thought Al Gore was an ineffectual incompetent chosen by Clinton to stay out of the way

Paid

2006-05-26T11:53:00.000+02:00

Well, it took 3 months but I finally got my first paycheck from my new consulting gig at the big gambling company. My official title is "Senior Consultant" but I don't use that on my email .sig file. Not because it makes me sound pretentious but because it makes me sound old. I go with 'Web Developer'. That makes me sound younger and cooler like I used to be.I am not well paid by senior

Kids... Stay in School

2006-05-05T11:44:00.000+02:00

As I sit taking a break from my job making new online gambling games I read an article about John Daly who has reportedly lost 60 million dollars playing slot machines. Wow. When I told people at work they couldn't believe that anyone could do that... slots are so boring and unsexy. Then I showed them a picture of him and they understood.Michael Jordan, seemingly the winner of winners, has also

Bowling Blogging is Funny

2006-04-19T08:24:00.000+02:00

I have been at work for a few months now as an web consultant in downtown Stockholm. Basically they need a webmaster guru to build a gambling website as quickly as possible and that is me. I am being paid pretty well for this and it is both fun and challenging. It's about $75 per hour and I can work 40 plus hours so it's pretty great... because otherwise if I were at home I would basically be

France's Chirac is Out of Whack

2006-04-02T11:30:00.000+02:00

I am an American who loves France. I love the language, the music, the food, the people, the art, the architecture, the atheism, just about everything.But France is sick right now. There are riots in the streets, there is increasing poverty, and there is a growing feeling of despondancy. I haven't been there in a couple years, mostly because of my growing love for London, but also because it does

Oh Yeah

2006-03-25T10:38:00.000+01:00

Today is the Greek God of Smoking's birthday and tomorrow is lovely Linda's birthday. So obviously there is going to be some serious puking going on tonight.

Happy Swedish Anniversary

2006-03-25T08:39:00.000+01:00

Leaving American soil has always been one of the great pleasures in my life. I feel the whole country is based on a shared hallucination of madmen. I am pretty sure I would feel the same about any country I grew up in. I hate the feeling of culture dragging me down to my slow spiritual death. That's why to stay fresh you have to move.I have never understood religious people and people who keep

Sex Drugs and Rock'n'Roll Never Goes Out of Style

2006-03-11T08:47:00.000+01:00

My best mate of all time (especially when I'm here and he's on the other side of the Atlantic), McCutcheon, has recently released a book of short stories from the Pax Acidus web site called aptly enough, Sex, Drugs, & Rock'n'Roll Never Goes out of Style. It is available from Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk. I highly urge everyone who loves to read and laugh to get a copy.We have been through a lot

89 Days of Freezing

2006-03-02T17:02:00.000+01:00

Today it was the 89th day in a row of below zero degrees Celsius temperature in Stockholm. That seems like enough, but it doesn't look like the streak will end anytime soon. It's no wonder the Swedes took gold in hockey. This country was built for it.I just spent five days in London and it was fantastic. I love that city more every time I go. Thanks to Dafydd, Chris, Bryan, Kerry, Kevin, Svenja,

The Long Awaited (Not) Danish Joke

2006-02-18T10:40:00.000+01:00

Okay here is the long awaited Danish joke. This one goes to out to our somewhat talentless Danish cartoonist friend Kurt Westergaard. Enjoy:Som det seneste har man nu fundet ud af, at dybe indåndinger dræber alle bakterier!Man mangler nu kun at finde ud af, hvordan man får bakterierne til at foretage dybe indåndinger...To bakterier møder hinanden på strøget:- Jeg har ikke set dig i lang tid; hvor

More Incomprehensible Scandinavian Humor

2006-02-18T09:25:00.000+01:00

Okay that last post was supposed to be a joke about Danes. I pulled a fast one by inserting a joke about Swedes instead. I apologize. It's just that I find Swedish jokes to be way funnier than Danish jokes. There are some real surprises about Swedish jokes. It's a mystery to me how more of them do not contain references to big tits, moose or snow in them. Swedes have great tits, talk about moose

Danish Joke

2006-02-15T08:15:00.000+01:00

A Swede was drinking in a bar on a Friday night in Copenhaagen when a Danish business colleague suggested to him:- "I'll give you 20 euros if you let me smash ten beer bottles on your head." The Swede thought for a while and finally agreed, mainly because of the peer pressure. The Dane smashed the first bottle on the Swede's head, then the second and so on, but he stopped after smashing nine

Jesus is the Bomb

2006-02-12T21:16:00.000+01:00

Well it was a busy week to be me. First off, the Seahawks lost to the Steelers in SuperBowl XL and I really didn't know who to root for because I am a Steeler by birth and a Seahawk by choice... but still a sloth by nature and so I passed out 1/2 hour before the game started. Congratulations, Seattle, I always knew you could get to the finals and then choke... again.A week later it is still

Let it Snow!

2006-02-06T22:15:00.000+01:00

Blondness is Wasted on the Swedes

2006-02-04T00:16:00.000+01:00

Surveys show that Swedes prefer their mates dark. That's good news for Africans, Spanish, Greeks, and Arabs everywhere. Okay maybe not for the Arabs.

Skating Around the City

2006-01-30T20:39:00.000+01:00

Last month Linda and I went ice skating on a 3 km frozen lake just outside the city in Hellasgården. I haven't been skating since I was a kid. I was bad at it then and I haven't gotten much better since. I didn't want to go, but figured when in Sweden do as the Swedes. The surface of the lake was was rough in parts, like the tiny lake waves had frozen in place. Skating was difficult at best in

They Don't Call Me Sloth For Nothing

2006-01-23T22:41:00.000+01:00

Last week started out bad when I got notified that another part-time consulting job that I had long sought after had been canceled for no reason just before it was supposed to start. This is the third time now that's happened in the past year. And for the third straight time I had already spent the first month's wages on frivelous things like food, clothing, and shelter before I found out. Shit.I

Masterpieces of Swedish Cinema: Masjävlar

2006-01-13T08:44:00.000+01:00

Sweden overall makes pretty good quality films for a country with only 9 million people in it. And it ain't easy being a Swedish director either, because one is always being compared to Bergman.In Masjävlar, a young woman from Stockholm (which is considered a very big city in Sweden) travels back to her country hometown to celebrate her father's 70th birthday. Sounds boring, but it's not. It's

Sweden: The Beautiful Outdoor Freezer

2006-01-10T09:01:00.000+01:00

With talk of global warming on the tip of everyone's tongue, it's refreshing to know that in the middle of January it's still cold as hell in Stockholm. It has been below freezing now for over two months.In Stockholm, the locals think that winter is often better than summer. Having experienced both seasons here, I am beginning to agree with them. In the Winter people sleep and drink a lot, go

Happy New Year!

2006-01-02T16:08:00.000+01:00

Happy New Year from everyone at Swedish Sloth. Oh shit, it's just me, isn't it? I Had a wild New Year's Eve. What little of I remember it was really fun. Thanks to lovely Linda, Pia, Philipos the Greek God of Smoking, Anna, Johan, Matthias, Ulrika, and all the other countless people I met whom I will never remember.I reckon I'll be able to think coherently by Friday when the pills wear off. Until

God Jul!

2005-12-27T07:25:00.000+01:00

So what is special about Christmas in Sweden besides of course that this is the land of snow and reindeer?First and perhaps best, there is no multiculturalism to spoil the fun. No Happy Holidays, Kwanzaa, Hanukah, or baby Jesus crap; just guilt-free food and drinks. In Sweden Christmas is called "Jul" which has the same root as out English word "Yule" which refers to an old pagan midwinter feast.

All I want for Christmas...

2005-12-19T14:27:00.000+01:00

All I want for Christmas is a pint of Bailey's and a bunch of Swedish girls with candles on their head to serenade me while I drink it. Oh yeah, and a trip to Thailand sometime in February would be nice.

Indubitably London

2005-12-07T09:26:00.000+01:00

That's me, Slothlock Stockholmes, in 221b Baker Street sitting by the fire in my Deerstalker hat and smoking a pipe at the Sherlock Holmes museum. For legal reasons, of course, you can't see the hyperdermic for my daily cocaine injections. When in Rome, do as the Romans I say. Whenever it works to my advantage, anyway. Seriously, London is probably the biggest and best major city I've ever seen.

Drinkin' at the Ritz

2005-11-28T18:49:00.000+01:00

After staying with the lovely and talented pride of Germany, Svenja, for a few drunken days I'm now staying at the Ritz Hotel by Green Park. I know that makes me sound like a posh twat but I'm sleeping on a sofa bed. Personally, I would rather stay somewhere else, but I can't afford 100 pounds a night for my own room somewhere else. You see I'm crashing with the parents who are also in town. This

Winter Wonderland

2005-11-28T18:38:00.000+01:00

Well Winter has been here a few months. We've had a few snows before this but its now been snowing all day and it just makes everything look so majestic. It's been years since a real snow storm that didn't melt away into mush after a few hours.In fact the whole city looks spectacular with the advent candles and the kids sledding and the snow falling gently around the city.I've been working my ass

Microsoft X-Box Group is Evil

2005-11-24T10:31:00.000+01:00

Okay I know I know... nobody who reads this cares.But...Here are some Xbox 360 statistics:- There are over 1700 parts inside every Xbox 360. The unit is made in China where recently a river of toxic slime flowed into a city without warning.- Some say Microsoft intentionally did not release enough units so they would create the kind of headline grabbing XBox violence that occurred in a middle

WTF Revisited

2005-11-17T12:09:00.000+01:00

I had another job interview yesterday. It was for a consultant position as an English teacher. Seems pretty mellow... it pays SEK 400 (US $60) per hour to teach Business and IT English. So it's right up my alley.I don't know if you remember... but the last time I applied for a job like this I didn't get the position because the interviewer thought I was OVERQUALIFIED and would STEAL THE CLIENTS.

Swedish Beer: Åbro Original

2005-11-07T17:21:00.000+01:00

Many people, including my lovely Linda, often say to people that Spendrups or Pripps is the archetypical Swedish beer. I beg to differ. For me it's Åbro.Why? Well, it's 5.2 percent, it's drinkable, and it's got a rather sweet malty taste that begs the question... can I have another?I remember before even coming to Stockholm I was trapped in London watching an Eminemn DVD (okay I admit it I am a

Swedish Beer: Wisby Pils

2005-10-31T18:17:00.000+01:00

Flavor: 2/5Palate: 4/5Drinkability: 3/5Price: SEK 11 per 33cl bottleFrom the island of Gotland comes Wisby Pils. It's a beer that wants to be Czech, but unfortunately for it, it is Swedish. It's too refined, bland, and creamy of a pilsner to be Czech, however bad it yearns to be so. But why not strive to be the best? Czech beers are all the rage in Sweden and also with this sloth. Some of my

The Aristocrats, A Drunken Post

2005-10-27T07:35:00.000+02:00

Been seeing a lot of movies lately. I normally don't like films but for some reason in Europe they are a good way to keep in touch with the best of American culture without watching TV shows, which I refuse to do.Recently saw a move called The Aristocrats. Probably didn't play in too many theaters in the USA because of the strong intellectual subject matter. No media companies want to be

The Swedish Welfare State

2005-10-20T10:18:00.000+02:00

Warning: Second Educational Post in a RowThe typical Swede (Sven Medelsvensson) of today is almost an entirely different species than his ancestor Erik The Viking. In the past, Erik and his hairy mates would drink grog and cohort for months until running out of money. Then they would jump in a boat, travel to Poland, the Baltic States, The British Isles, or France and proceed to rape and pillage

The Sami People of Northern Sweden

2005-10-12T09:25:00.000+02:00

This is going to be one of those educational posts for people who don't know much about Sweden. For those who already know or don't give a shit I apologize in advance. You have been warned.Back in the Viking days when the Swedes first came to Sweden, the area was already inhabited by an indigenous people. These Sami people were nomadic people who followed the herds reindeer around, killing them

Club an American Today!

2005-10-04T10:22:00.000+02:00

Now normally I wouldn't do cheesy things like join an American Club abroad. I mean, I don't really like America that much, and I did leave it behind... so why travel 8,000 miles away and then pay $30 a year in dues to surround yourself with a bunch of Americans again?Well many reasons, the first of course being jobs. Not blow jobs, mind you, but the regular kind. As a freelancer you need contacts

Stereo Total Concert - Supercool

2005-09-30T09:58:00.000+02:00

Today I am just going to lie around the house all day. Yesterday was just too much for me.I woke up at eight a.m. and did a little IT work for my only client. Then went to a job interview for an English teaching position, taught a lesson to my only remaining student, took the final test in my Introductory Swedish class, and then went out drinking for seven hours, including three or four hours at