Wars Don't Kill People, Video Games Do

In the next major election year, one of the hot topics is going to be violence in video games. My guess is Ms. Clinton is going to make it a key issue in her campaign. The republicans will play along, so as not to lose out on the stupidity gap.

I attest there is no bigger smoke and mirrors issue today than violence in video games. In fact it is so smoke and mirrors it is like banning smoking naked in the mirror (which I don't do).

For those of you who don't know... here is the premise:

Billy plays Grand Theft Auto, thinks it's all good fun, and then decides to grab an uzi out of his dad's closet, carjack some old lady, and get going for real. He dies in a pool of blood after taking out half the town of Middlefucknowhere, Arkansas.

The theory that 'violent video games lead to actual violence' is thus proven when someone in real life tells this exact same story as an alibi. They shoot someone (or many people) and then their lawyer tells them to make a 'GTA plea' to get out of the electric chair.

Everybody clear?

Well I'm not. These are real articles below, not jokes.

Video Games In Congress' Crosshairs

GTA Causes Killing Spree

Kids Get Aggressive After Video Games

Hillary Clinton Seeks GTA Probe

The video game industry is bigger than movies nowadays. How many video games do you think Hillary or all her soccer mom friends and supporters have ever played? That's right, zero. So where is the real link between video games and violence? I don't know, but I am willing to do a philosophical investigation.

Here we go...

There are definitely things called video games, and there is definitely something called violence... is there a link between them? There was definitely violence before video games came out in 1970. There was even violence before pinball machines, the predecessors of video games, came out in 1890. And I would be willing to bet there was violence before board games (or bored games as I like to call them) came out in 10,000 BC. So video games are in fact not the historic root of violence they are made out to be.

I don't know why people today are so violent. But banning assault weapons again seems more likely to me to curb the problem than banning video games. But more importantly, I would speculate that people are so violent because their leaders are so violent. Our President started a war with two 3rd world countries in the past 4 years that has killed thousands of innocent people quite violently. The supposed cause of this war was planes slamming into to WTC. The Saudis who did it were believed to have learned how to fly the planes with video games. But apparently were not inspired by the games themselves. They saw the strike as retaliatory in nature... caused primarily by how aggressively our government was taking over their region.

But surely video games must have led to some of the most violent acts in recent history to be causing such a fuss?

Did video games inspire Hitler to wipe out the Jews?
Did video games inspire the pilgrims to wipe out the Native Americans?
Did video games inspire Pizza Hut to stop making Priazzo?

No. Those terrible things happened for other reasons... namely money and FUD mixed with stupidity.

So I guess video games are not to blame?

No. I guess not.

So what do we do about it?

Well my idea is to throw George Bush Jr. in jail (gitmo comes to mind) and show people that any kind of violence is truly wrong and maybe little Johnny won't go postal and kill his Junior High School classmates when they pick him last for the dodgeball team. It is more plausible than saying Quake 4 has made Billy shoot the TV because he thought it would mutate into a Strogg and saw off his limbs and turn him into a cyborg. Not even little Johhny is that dumb or crazy. And if he is then he probably got that way by watching the most violent thing I've ever seen or heard, namely The Evening News.

I think this video game banning thing is going to happen. It will be like tobacco and alcohol to play cool video games. Possibly even like 'drugs'. Most people who vote do not play video games like I do... 4 to 8 hours per week. Quake 4 is currently my favorite. I love the FPS genre. People who do not like these games probably suck at them. Once you get hooked... there is nothing better. In my 20's I would get high and play for days. Now I drink a beer or a scotch and play for hours. I don't see what the big deal is. I have played video games from the 1st generation (Atari 2600) to the ultimate game machine (PC with dual PCI-Express video cards). X-Box and whatnot are okay but you cannot beat a fast PC with dual video cards. Consoles are for crack babies. And all that.

But I digress. Let's say you don't like video games. Let's say you are like Hillary and find them a completely adolescent heterosexual male tasteless waste of time akin to whacking off. Why not ban it?

Because it's wrong to ban stuff you plainly do not understand just for political advantage. That makes you just as dumb as the kid who wants to kill his friends because he saw it on a video game.

It Burns, It Burns

"It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair." -- George Burns

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When the USA elected George Bush Jr. as President of the USA instead of Al Gore I was a little surprised. The most surprising thing were the reasons. People thought Al Gore was an ineffectual incompetent chosen by Clinton to stay out of the way and not touch anything.

That was a pretty good summation. I think he would have made a distastrous president. But of course there are regular disasters and then there is George Bush Jr... who can repeatedly spawn ten new disasters out of a single normal disaster. It's like the guy is trying to do everything possible to fuck things up. I mean... attack Iraq? What was he thinking? Can anyone is retrospect think of a worse idea? What the fuck was the reason? Oh yeah... there was none. Thanks to W we are now a nation of uncaring human butchers no better than the terrorists we purport to be against. Nice one.

I didn't vote for either of them. I voted for the guy with the only track record of actually caring about people and trying to help them (even if sometimes for the wrong reason)- Ralph Nader.

Why? Well even though I was on a lot of drugs at the time, I knew Bush was basically a frat boy fan boy fair weather friend rich kid loser male cheerleader type.

I though Gore would win by a landslide and Ralph would get 5% of the vote and thus the Green Party would get federal matching funds and thus become a real party capable of truly swinging an election towards the best candidate.

But as I said I was on drugs and living in the most liberal part of one of the most liberal cities in America. My beloved Capital Hill of Seattle. In Capital Hill there are equal amounts of millionaires, rock stars, homeless people, gay people, and vegetarians. And they are often the same people.

So being in this place I totally forgot about the fumb ducking average Joe American who couldn't find his own ass with two hands and a flashlight. And thus George Bush was elected the forty fifth President of the United States and the wondrous Billy Clinton moved to Harlem and became a pimp.

And I was one of the lucky ones. Five days after 9/11 I managed to escape the country in a hot air balloon and kindly Gulf Stream winds took me to Europe where I intend to live for the rest of my life.

My advice to Americans still there is to wake up, impeach Bush, and then throw his dumb ass in jail. Maybe then I'll come back for a visit and buy a flag. George Burns would have made a better President. And he's been dead for years.

France's Chirac is Out of Whack

I am an American who loves France. I love the language, the music, the food, the people, the art, the architecture, the atheism, just about everything.

But France is sick right now. There are riots in the streets, there is increasing poverty, and there is a growing feeling of despondancy. I haven't been there in a couple years, mostly because of my growing love for London, but also because it does quite feel 'the same' as it did when I lived there in the 90's.

Why? Well there is frustration in the air. And when people feel frustrated they grow desperate, and when they are desperate they act irrationally. And since French people are not as a whole that much smarter than other people, they tend to vote for dumbasses. And I know a thing or two about people voting for dumbasses. My President's middle initial stands for Dumbass.

Mr. Chirac, you are not as bad as Bush, and you did a wonderful job as Mayor of Paris when I lived there. But you need to go. Now. Resign. Isn't it obvious you are hated? The whole country is falling apart.

As a fiscal conservative, I feel that your idea of being able to fire people for the first two years of work is a good idea. No company is ever going to hire somebody they cannot fire. That's what the government jobs are for. Losers. Private business has to be competitive and forcing companies to retain people will only make them leave France for good.

But as a social liberal I feel you have nothing to offer. You have not instituted any much needed affirmative action policies and you are doing nothing for the people who need it the most. The immigrants in France have no identity and no hope and that has to end. And you are not the solution to the problem. You are part of it. You could say, "I hate EuroDisney", right now and the youth would still get upset.

Basically, it's time to make like Gerard and Depardieu the hell out of there. If you love France as much as you say you do then you would understand.

Jesus is the Bomb

Well it was a busy week to be me. First off, the Seahawks lost to the Steelers in SuperBowl XL and I really didn't know who to root for because I am a Steeler by birth and a Seahawk by choice... but still a sloth by nature and so I passed out 1/2 hour before the game started. Congratulations, Seattle, I always knew you could get to the finals and then choke... again.

A week later it is still snowing and there is a 20 foot high pile outside my window. Maybe I will take a picture of me by it tomorrow. Maybe I'll just keep drinking. I am doing shots of Aquavit on a Sunday night and drinking 3.5 Carlsbergs wishing McCutcheon were here and we could go ice skating on pills. Weeeeeeeee.

The buzz in Sweden nowadays is still from the Danish cartoons and how the Swedes are afraid they will be guilty by association with the Danes for speaking their minds. The Swedes are not ANYTHING like the Danes. Danes are impulsive fighters. The Swedes are thinkers, and non-confrontational to a fault. I fit in perfectly here.

But the word on the street, if you stop to ask people, is that the Muslims can all take a long walk of a short fjord if you know what I mean. I feel the same way. Making fun of stuff that is silly is a human right.

I read an interesting op/ed piece with some help from Linda which asked the question: How weak is your God if he is threatened by a Danish cartoonist? Nothing hurts worse than the truth and the truth is that Allah is a bad joke played on some gullible people by some power-tripping male chauvenists 1400 years ago.

More enlightenment soon, I promise. In fact, let's make fun of the Danes. I am sure they have more of a sense of humor than some other people I could mention.

The Swedish Welfare State

Warning: Second Educational Post in a Row

The typical Swede (Sven Medelsvensson) of today is almost an entirely different species than his ancestor Erik The Viking.

In the past, Erik and his hairy mates would drink grog and cohort for months until running out of money. Then they would jump in a boat, travel to Poland, the Baltic States, The British Isles, or France and proceed to rape and pillage the shit out them until it was time to come home and drink some more.

Today the typical Swede works a white-collar job, lives unmarried with his partner, has kids, and has a house or apartment of his own. He has traveled all over the world, speaks good English and perhaps another language (such as Spanish), and enjoys boating and other outdoor activities. He still drinks but only on weekends and no foreigners usually get hurt.

But that was all very recently. Sweden was of course heavily influenced in the Middle Ages by its teutonic neighbor to the South, Germany, Sweden's largest trading partner for hundreds of years until after WW2 (today its the USA). As late as 100 years ago, Swedes were notorious for beating their children, drinking enough vodka to make a Russian blush, going to war at every opportunity, starving to death due to bad politics, and being so Christian as to make unmarried women and their children enter a special door in the church. And due to Sweden's homogeneous racial profile, it tended to land on the xenophobic side of the fence.

How xenophobic was Sweden? Only Nazi Germany had a larger per capita Eugenics program than Sweden. Sweden sterilized people up until 1970. As late as the 1950's they did this for even trivial reasons: such as belonging to a motorcycle gang, being an unclean race, being retarded, being an unfit parent, etc.

But how did this transformation happen? And why is it unthinkable for it to happen again? Why do typical Swedish children pick flowers and berries while English kids are throwing rocks and American kids are shooting each other with semi-automatic weapons? My theory is the twin blessings of the death of organized religion (intellectual enlightenment) and the rise of the social welfare state which came with Sweden's growing wealth after WW2.

Sweden made BANK during and after World War 2 by supplying Hitler with raw materials for his war machine in exchange for being left alone. And after World War 2, while the rest of Europe was decimated, Sweden was booming with a trained workforce and an intact manufacturing base.

So wealth is almost certainly one of the reasons. But I would not discount the death of organized religion as a contributing factor. In Sweden, going to church is seen as the intellectual equivalent of losing a war to Poland. Swedes (and me) share a mix of embarrassment and horror when politicians in America use the G word in speeches and Presidents like Reagan and GW Bush mention publicly that they talk to God.

What are the benefits of living in a country like Sweden? It is against the law to beat children, jobs are so cush you get a month off per year and get this... you get paid MORE FOR VACATION TIME than you do when you are working (I'd like to see someone suggest that in the States) and wait, there's more... socialized medicine, free higher education, permanent unemployment benefits, and more.

Despite its industrial base, Sweden ranks amongst the best countries in terms of clean air, water, and recycling. Rumor has it you can drink out of Lake Mälaren that encircles Stockholm. I've swallowed water swimming in that lake but I personally wouldn't want to drink it on purpose. That being said... the rest of the world could learn alot from studying this place.

Just remember to separate the green bottles from the clear bottles or they might revert and cut your nuts off.