Sunday, January 30, 2005

Still Feeling The Love Hangover

Yes, I partied too hard in Florida. I won't get into specifics, as this is not Pax Acidus, my sex, drugs, and rock and roll website. This is supposed to be a more normal website, where I can tell everyone my real name, Samuoz Yrral, and get over my fascination with being an underground literary superhero.

But its true so I have to say it. I blew my brain with too much blow and alcohol. I stopped doing it on the 4th night about 3 a.m. on the day I was leaving. I thought it was a good idea to stop because my nose started bleeding and I could no longer control my bladder. They got good shit down there. I am glad I don't live there. I wouldn't last too long. To add to the damage I probably drank about 100 beers and a bottle of rum. We had a whole keg Sierria Nevada pale ale. We finished it.

If any of my friends are reading this, I apologize for calling all of you. For those who don't know... I have a super bad habit of calling people on the phone at 3 a.m. when I am super fucked up and leaving insane messages on their voice mail. I think I got this bad habit from Matt, who has done 10 times as much as me if not more. I just have a hard time finding a peer group otherwise.

For those of you I do call... Linda, Daffyd, Lance, Mark, Matt, Ralph, etc, its only because I love you and I wanted you there. I am not just trying to ruin the REM patterns. I hate it when people call me at 3 a.m. when I am sleeping so don't try it unless you are in the area and have some to share.

For those of you I love who I don't call... its not because I don't love you, its because I don't have your number and I am too wasted to go through the 411 process. I think that's enough slothiness for today. I am not really even the Swedish Sloth yet...

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Welcome to Swedish Sloth!

Well the time has come again to leave America...

Linda and I promised each other that we would leave no matter what after two years... and it's been almost two years. Two good years in Seattle, my favorite city in the country of my birth.

What's not to like about Seattle? There is the ocean, the snow capped mountains, the volcanoes, the restaurants, the bars, the friends, the book stores, the coffee shops, the BC green buds, the thick flavorful micro brews, the pattering rain, the skiing, the tennis courts. It's easily the best city in the USA. Easily. What about Manhattan? Well as McCutcheon rightly points out that's not really America. Like London is not England. Like Johnny Cash is not Country Music. It's the exception that makes the rule. And the rule is that America is the land of ignorant hicks who shoot first and ask questions later. America is strip malls and chain restaurants with bad food. America is the Red States. And George Bush is the rightful King.

Wait... I haven't even left yet. One more month to go. I am not even in Seattle right now. This is what you call the pre-game warm up. I am in South Florida in Boca Raton visiting my brother for his 30th birthday bash and especially to see my 3 beautiful nieces again. Linda isn't here. She is at home working and entertaining her lovely, delightfully moody sister Pia who is visiting from London.

My parents are down here as well. It seems like a weird act of Fate that brought us all here together at the same time. I only made plans to come here last week. Got a cheap flight on Orbitz. Last night after I flew in, we all went out to dinners at some posh French place in town called Vielle Maison. I had the jumbo shrimp and crab cocktail, 12 oz filet mignon chateaubriand, and numerous drinks until I spilled my rum cappuccino all over myself while I was trying to make some dumb point about how evil Bush is and how America is doomed whether we win the war or not.

My parents, who are Bush voting, bourgeois, Christians, thankfully put up with me and paid for the dinner without reminding me I am a failure at everything seen as important in my society.