Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Bottle in Front of Me Vs. Frontal Lobotomy

I've had an earache for three weeks to the day now. I even lost a set of tennis to a 75 year old man in part because of this. It doesn't so much hurt as much as my head is numbed and I can't think. Is this what a lobotomy is like? All I can to take my mind off it is munch Ibuprofin and drink.

Will you Swedish Sloth readers with lobotomies out there please comment and let me know if you can still drink with a frontal lobotomy? Then again, Randle Patrick McMurphy didn't look so good at the end of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. In fact I've never seen any pictures of people with frontal lobotomies who didn't look like drooling imbeciles. The doctors, of course, will all go to Hell (or Ohio, whichever is closer) when they die.

Is it possible to live one's life as a successful alchoholic with a lobotomy? Because it's not possible with an inner ear full of water and a bunch of Swedish doctors.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Swedish Doctors Can Take a Long Walk Off a Short Fjord

This is a big ass, and so is my Swedish doctor, whose name last name happens to be Wanky (which is not what I was in danger of doing after looking at this picture). I've been sick with an earache and after taking my 140 SEK he looks in my ear for 10 seconds and tells me there is nothing wrong with me. It gets worse so I go back and (after paying another 140 SEK) tell him half my head is numb and I can't close my mouth.

He tells me everything is okay and I don't need antibiotics. I protest and he asks me if I want anything for the pain. I say yes. I do not have a high tolerance for pain. I did spend my 20's on ecstasy and valium, after all. He gives me ear drops that make my head feel like a watermelon and the pain gets worse all week until I stop taking them.

If Herr Wanky ever needs his computer fixed I am gonna throw it down the stairs and tell him to send the bill to the estate of Olaf Palme for brainwashing Swedes into thinking socialism is a Good Thing (tm).

In conclusion, socialized medicine is only good if you can't afford capitalist medicine.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Abba at Eurovision '74

I was 3 when this video was made. I wish it was the 70's now. You could smoke inside and drink Chardonnay in the morning, and eat fondue and quaaludes for dinner, and white people could have afros, and Swedes could be international pop-stars, and everyone thought it was groovy.