Smokem' if you got 'em

BERLIN (Reuters) - The owner of a small German computer company has fired three non-smoking workers because they were threatening to disturb the peace after they requested a smoke-free environment.

The manager of the 10-person IT company in Buesum, named Thomas J., told the Hamburger Morgenpost newspaper he had fired the trio because their non-smoking was causing disruptions.

Germany introduced non-smoking rules in pubs and restaurants on January 1, but Germans working in small offices are still allowed to smoke.

"I can't be bothered with trouble-makers," Thomas was quoted saying. "We're on the phone all the time and it's just easier to work while smoking. Everyone picks on smokers these days. It's time for revenge. I'm only going to hire smokers from now on."

(Reporting by Sarah Roberts; editing by Giles Elgood)

David Byrne and Wikipedia on IKEA Names

It's no secret to anyone who knows me that I fucking love the Talking Heads and I used to worship David Byrne as a god back in 1984 when I was 13.

Over the years I have developed my musical taste to include all styles, but there is still something fascinating about Talking Heads and especially lead singer David Byrne. He is one person I would love to meet... even though I've heard he is not that personable. He did, after all, pen the lyrics: "They say compassion is a virtue, but I don't have the time."

Anyway, I swear the man is a genius. On par with Shaun William Ryder even. Here is an excerpt from his blog... about IKEA names.

"Why does everything have weird names? Every container, shelf, cabinet or appliance had some odd name, as if people from Planet Sweden anthropomorphized these objects, naming each one they encountered as best they could**:

BESTA
HEDDA
BJARNUM
LERBERG
INREDA
EKTORP
GRUNDTON
BERTA
KARNA"

Yes David, everything at IKEA is named funny. And you can buy pickled herring there, and Marabou chocolate, lingonberry jam, meatballs, and even Bilar... and those things are wonderful. It's no suprise you would write about a trip to IKEA in your blog. You've been to Sweden... I know... I visited a very strange art exhibit you built in Liljeholmen a few years back.

But how the hell does IKEA name there furniture? A quick trip to Wikipedia will tell you...

Product names

IKEA products are identified by single word names. Most of the names are either Swedish, Danish, Finnish or Norwegian in origin. Although there are some notable exceptions, most product names are based on a special naming system developed by IKEA.[2]

* Upholstered furniture, coffee tables, rattan furniture, bookshelves, media storage, doorknobs: Swedish placenames (for example: Klippan)
* Beds, wardrobes, hall furniture: Norwegian place names
* Dining tables and chairs: Finnish place names
* Bookcase ranges: Occupations
* Bathroom articles: Scandinavian lakes, rivers and bays
* Kitchens: grammatical terms, sometimes also other names
* Chairs, desks: men's names
* Materials, curtains: women's names
* Garden furniture: Swedish islands
* Carpets: Danish place names
* Lighting: terms from music, chemistry, meteorology, measures, weights, seasons, months, days, boats, nautical terms
* Bedlinen, bed covers, pillows/cushions: flowers, plants, precious stones; words related to sleep, comfort, and cuddling
* Children's items: mammals, birds, adjectives
* Curtain accessories: mathematical and geometrical terms
* Kitchen utensils: foreign words, spices, herbs, fish, mushrooms, fruits or berries, functional descriptions
* Boxes, wall decoration, pictures and frames, clocks: colloquial expressions, also Swedish placenames

Still... no word on where Jerker fits into all of this.

Daddy Coolest Anything of All Time

Merry X-Mas From New York

Linda and I are in New York for the holidays... actually we are heading to Bahamas as well which is pretty good because New York weather is pretty much like Stockholm in December.

Wanna see us do the Christmas dance? Click here...

Love you guys forever (even though nobody commented on my last amazingly funny and under-appreciated moose post),

-Swedish Sloth

10 Tips For Dealing With Moose in Sweden

1. When you go to the store in Sweden, watch out for moose. They might steal your food. Moose eat a lot of food. And they don't have jobs. Therefore you know they must be thieves.

2. When you take money out of the Cashpoint, watch out that moose aren't looking over your shoulder and trying to read you pin code.

3. When you send your girlfriend home at night, make sure she has some moose mace so she doesn't get raped by a moose. Moose have really big sexual organs, and you wouldn't want to have to tell your friends and family that you have been replaced by a sexually aggressive moose.

4. Watch out for gangs of moose disguised as just one moose. There is no plural word for moose, so you can only tell by context if there is just one... or a whole mess of the buggers.

5. The Swedish Road Authority, Vägverket, claims that 40% of all accidents outside cities in Sweden are caused by collisions with moose. This is very suspicious, so be extra careful when driving with a moose and make sure you are both wearing a seatbelt.

6. Moose in Swedish are not called moose at all, but 'elg', which strangely rhymes with 'Nelly'. So watch out for Swedes named 'Nelly'. They could be moose in disguise.

7. British people often refer to moose as an elk. An elk is actually a completely different creature similar to a large deer and indigenous to North America. If you see a British person using the term elk incorrectly, politely correct them. They would know better if they had any moose (or elk) in Britain.

8. There are a lot of moose jokes on the Internet, but none of them are particularly funny. One can only assume that moose do not have a sense of humor.

9. When I was a lad traveling through Sweden I has pizza with moose meat on it in Sweden. This has never caught on throughout the rest of the world. If you are a moose and you see a pizza shop offering this type of pizza, run.

10. Moose meat does not "taste like chicken". It has a very gamey taste. This is very odd because meat you never tasted before is supposed to taste like chicken. Use extreme caution when tasting moose for the first time.

Bonus tip for Swedish Sloth readers:

Telling a moose to "stop bogarting that joint, my friend", has very little effect and might actually encourage them to finish it without sharing.