Merry New Year

All hail the Axe Anti-Hangover Shower Gel, without which I wouldn't be alive today.

No really. New Year's lasted long into the night. I met lot's of new people and partied all night. I want to say that New Years in Sweden kicks the shit out of New Year's in the States. People really get into fireworks and drinking here. You could die with all the amateur displays out there.

In effect it's like 1,000 mini fireworks displays happening all at the same time all over the city. No firemen, no police, no barges like in the States. The best thing to do is to get high (in elevation!) and watch in awe. It lasts all night, really.

For people who like to explode things and kill and maim so much, The USA has some some pussy fireworks laws (and thus displays) in comparison. Viewing one of them would lead you to believe it was a civilized country. Probably the fireworks laws got passed in the 70's when Carter was in power and all the Republicans were either on quaaludes or devilishly planning the Reagan years.

One Swede told me that fireworks were the only good use for gun powder and it's fitting that the USA would ban them from the public. Ha ha. Merry New Year. May it be the best one yet for drinking, smoking, and screwing. And the worst one yet for hangovers and killing and maiming (fat chance).

Happy Christmas - Not

One of my pet peeves is people saying, "When are you going on holiday?" In my mind it is impossible to go 'on holiday'.

Christmas is a 'holiday'.
Easter is a a 'holiday'.

When one stops working and goes somewhere because they are tired of working, that is called a 'break' or better still a 'vacation'.

What is my point? My point is that one cannot go 'on holiday', any more than one can go 'on Christmas' or 'on Easter'.

One can, however, go 'on vacation'.

And that's I intend to do for the next week. Thank you.

And while we're at it, one eats 'candy', not 'sweets'.

And one drinks 'soda', not 'fizzy drinks'.

Okay, now I am going to take a 'little blue pill with a V on it'.

Happy Christmas for real. Not not. I am drunk. I plan on staying this way after putting up with Swedes all month on their home turf. They are starting to get to me.

Plus Linda and I are upset because half our salary went to taxes this month. Merry Christmas. The government here is the living realization of Orwell's Big Brother. But there are people dying and people who can't afford alcohol. I think of those people a lot. And then get depressed and I drink and then I get mad again and want my taxes back. Let them die. I want to die a petty fool with my tax money in my hand. And if I died of a disease it wouldn't hurt so bad to be stolen from. The end. No merry Christmas for real. Only Brits say Happy Christmas and I am 100% Drunko Americano at this time.

All I want for Christmas...

All I want for Christmas is a pint of Bailey's and a bunch of Swedish girls with candles on their head to serenade me while I drink it. Oh yeah, and a trip to Thailand sometime in February would be nice.