Monday, July 04, 2005

Coat Check Blues at Kvarnen in Sodermalm

Friday night we had some friends over for Mexican food. I made brie and apple quesadillas and some veggie fajitas because they are vegetarians. I used to be veggie for seven years but I gave it when I stopped taking so much ecstasy. I think the drug allows you to feel the pain of the barnyard and it was too much to take. But ecstasy fucks with your head after a while, so it was either my brain or my drugs and I chose the former.

Since then I have mostly switched to cigarrettes and alcohol as my weapons of choice and they sure don't make you feel empathy for shit so I am back on the burger bandwagon and happy about it. Animals would eat me if they had a chance, I reckon, so why not the other way around? Especially if the animals were drunk.

Well after a lovely dinner by the lake we decided to do a couple more tequila shots and go out. Johan and Anna (I can use their real names because there are probably a million couples in Stockholm named Johan and Anna) wanted to go to Kvarnum which is bar in Sodermalm, the bohemian, artsy part of Stockholm.

We got their and queued up for 20 minutes. Once inside it was like a Finnish sauna. People always complain about the lack of oxygen due to smoking in clubs but I swear with 500 drunk people crammed in a room and no walking space the air is just as bad smokeless as it would be if it were smoky.

Anyway, I walk in with Johan and Anna and Linda are nowhere to be seen. We get a beer and drink it and still they don't show up so Johan calls Anna and apparently the bouncers physically threw Linda out of the club for calling the coat check guy a cockhead in Swedish even though she didn't call him a cockhead and he obviously was one.

I was hesitant to approach him because by this time I had drunk about a half a bottle of tequila and a bottle of red wine, some shots of snaps surprisingly still leftover from Midsummer, and a couple beers. Plus I did not witness the event so Johan advised to leave it to the Police. I talked to the guy anyway and boy was he a cockhead. He must have a little internal voice that says "cockhead" to himself over and over again. On the outside the guy had a Tom Cruise cool, a guy who thought he could do anything to anybody.

Well the Police finally showed up a few hours later and interviewed the witnesses and the guy. Despite my advice, no one even got a case number or the guy's name at the bar.

The Police report is supposed to be mailed to us this week and so we'll see what happens. Thanks to the all the witnesses who stayed around until 3 in the morning to give testimony. People are sick of goons. Send them to Iraq, I say. Then we'll see how cool and tough they are when they get their heads chopped off.

1 comment:

Francis S. said...

Kvarnan isn't the only place with problems. We've had our little issues at various places, though never with police involvement.

The whole coatcheck thing is a real racket here.